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    May 18

    对不起,我爱你

    刚刚上了面包的BLOG,如果说她的第一次出庭经验让我觉得惭愧的话,看到面包写家里,写妈妈,写自己对妈妈的承诺的文字,简直就让我感到羞耻。面包妈妈是个可爱的妈妈,我的妈妈也是一个可爱的妈妈,但是我的妈妈却没有象面包妈妈一样拥有一个独立、孝顺、能干、成熟的女儿。She deserves the better , can I be the better one?拨电话的时候,我十分想念你的声音,只是你接过电话了,我却无从说起。该从何说起呢?我为你做过什么吗?没有。我为你所深爱的我做过什么吗?没有。你对我所问起的一切说“一切都好”,是出于宽慰。我对你问起的一切说“一切放心”,却是出于敷衍。我一直以为我很爱你,却突然发现这份爱如此流于形式,我理所当然地爱你,理所当然地以为我如此深沉地爱着你,却早已忘记如何去爱你。

    我问你晚上是否还失眠,你总是说不会不会一切都好,而事实上如果你跟我说你失眠了,我也不知道如何是好。我问你那群小孩子会不会很烦心,而事实上如果你跟我说他们确实不好教,我也不止到如何是好。我问你外婆最近身体怎样,事实上如果你跟我说情况不大好,我也不知道如何是好。都只是一声形式上的问候而已。

    你叫我多吃米饭和青菜,叫我早点睡觉,叫我知读书,我说好好好,都只是一个形式上的答案而已。

    对不起,我爱你。

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